I’m not one for complaining, but some days it just needs to happen.
I am at work for 7.5 hours today. If I stand for more than 5 minutes me knees become super inflammed and burn, and it I sit more than 5 minutes by back does the same. There are no other options. I literally go from standing to sitting every 5 minutes.
My boss probably thinks I’m crazy.
My doctor shattered her ankle so I cannot go back to the doctor for my follow up for another 5 weeks, and last time I saw her all she did was give me some Aleve to “help ease the pain.”
That was a waste of a $3 prescription.. Ibuprofen, Aleve, Tylenol, none of it does anything for me.
As soon as I get bloodwork done (again) I am going gluten free and starting a food/pain journal to track my flare-ups. That in itself sounds emotionally exhausting but hopefully it will do some good.
I haven’t been able to get out and run in a about a week and a half (Though the past 2 times I’ve ran I’ve beat my own goals!) because I’ve been so busy, but now it’s because the pain is too bad.
I have no motivation to do anything. I have a literature review due next week, and tons of quizzes to make up. The pain completely zaps me of all energy and motivation. I just want to lay in bed and wallow in self-pity.
This is one of those days where the pain is so bad I considered leaving work early so I don’t have a complete breakdown here every time I try to move.
Today for the first time my knuckles are turning red in addition to the pain. I’ve never had that happen before.
I’m so sick of not having a diagnosis. I literally have every symptom of fibromyalgia, but my doctor wouldn’t really hear much about it. It is the best for me to identify with because I know exactly how everyone with it feels. At the same time I feel like a huge fake for blaming fibro when I don’t even know what I have. I’m just grasping at straws at this point.
I want answers. I don’t need answers, and I know God is teaching me patience through this, but I want answers anyway.
This has been an emotional Jess rant.
When you have an illness, sometimes you have to be selfish and just focus on yourself. It takes so much energy to try and please everyone else and it’s not worth all the emotional and physical stress. You have to do what’s best for you, even if other people are critical of you or don’t understand. You know your body better than anyone else and you can decide what activities you can and can’t do.
what i needed to hear today